Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
