he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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