it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
