those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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