okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
