K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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