Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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