you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
