just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
