so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
