I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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