you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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