I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
