they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
