First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
