i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
