I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
