Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
