is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
