Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
