just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Randomize
