Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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