Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
