oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
