nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
