i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
