If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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