I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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