carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
