He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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