if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
