remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
