i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He passed out mid-signature
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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