Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
