i permit you to call me
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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