what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
