Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
