I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
