she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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