I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
only you would photoshop your dick
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
