Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
