..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
