Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
