put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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