I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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