Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
