the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
