She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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