Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
