we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
