He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
