Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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