I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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