You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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